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the start of me blogging properly

Iv decided to start again, and start writing regularly again. This time I wont be deleting my posts as I go along and will try my hardest to post regularly.

So what’s changed….

Please welcome to the world Sonny Sunshine.. Born January 10th a good 5 weeks early, I am now mum to two beautiful boys.

I Won’t lie, it’s hard. Harder more moreso as the little sunshibe has the dreaded colic… I often spend hours listening to him cry, rocking him, bouncing him, singing or chatting to him.. Nothing helps. Aside from this slight misfortune he is perfect and I feel very lucky and thankfully that he is here and healthy.

Obviously he turned my life upside downcompletely. Not only do I have a newborn and am still recovering painfully from an emergency c section, I have the worlds most nutty 2 year old. Every evening I count the seconds until bedtime….And then Sonny wakes up and kindly reminds me that you don’t Really get a bedtime with a newborn.  Oh the joys 🙂

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Week 18

This week I’m suffering. Tiredness is a killer, I have zero patience with anyone, especially not with my o.h and I’m slowly dreading the weeks to come..
I justchecked get comfy? I don’t ever remenber it being this bad first time round, I mean, not this early anyway. I’m sleeping with a body pillow, which iv had since I was pregnant with Woody and has literally been my desert island item ever since, but that’s not even cutting it either..
I’m also getting.g worried about how laid back and unprepared we are this time. With Woody, we kinda went a bit overboard  with the buying and stocking up, but I also had a full time wage then soi could go out and splurge.. But this time, being a sahm I’m beginning to wonder how on earth we ate going to manage this time. 
O.h keeps telling me we’re fine, and not to worry, which is a stupid thing to say to a pregnant women.

Woodys been ever so kind this week. I think he knows I’m running on empty when it comes to energy, so he’s been fab and quite enjoyed a few days of staying in with films or just the playing in the garden.

Hv  is calling Monday to do a health and safety check on our house so tomorrow is going to be spent scrubbing and dusting every corner, so not for her to judge..I know she probably won’t, but cone on..I’m using it as an excuse to give the house a proper once over. It won’t last long, there will soon be raisens and banana squashed into the carpet and dirty little socks in every corner but at least for one day we can have a tidy house.
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Week 17

So, today is WEEK 17 of my third pregnancy!!! Kinda kept everything a secret this time round, after last time I feel I need to just savour every moment I have with my baby, whether it be a few weeks or term.
But I have officially made it to week 17 and boy do I know it…I’m achey…. Grumpy….tired….all these things I’m sure I felt when I was pregnant with Woody but have definitely forgotten..

So I thought I’d log my pregnancy from here on out, starting now in week 17. Baby due 5 th of Feb 2015 ( feels like years away)
I already know that it’s a boy, had a private very nervous scan at 16 weeks just to check everything was ok, and sure enough he has all the dangley bits!!

I’m wearing maternity clothes already  and although I don’t feel I look very pregnant as my bump is very low, none of my old t shirts or jeans fit, so I’m getting fat and fast!

Woodys 18 months, and I’m pretty sure is sprouting horns…he is very tiring and gas started not sleeping properly which obviously helps me feel great…not. Oh well, I must enjoy him before he grows too big and I regret not savouring these naughty moments.

I’m thinking names…I think it was round about bow when I was pregnant With Woods that I came up with his name. And it stuck. I had a few in my head, but  his always stuck out. dela hated it and it took me probably until my due date to convince him to name him this, so as you can imagine I have my work cut out again this time. He isn’t very helpful and doesn’t seem keen on throwing ideas of names at me, so it’s up to me to find the winning one and then convince him to name our second son this.
So here is my shortlist.
ROCKY
REX
HENDRIX
BUSTER
And yes, I know what your thinking.. They ARE pretty way out, but we are that kind of people and everyone said that about WOODY when I first mentioned that I’d like to name him that, and now look, everyone loves it and it suits him down to the bones. 
Desisions Desisions…

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away for a while..

So iv not posted for some months now, and thought that now would be a good time to make up for it and start again. 

Alot has changed, well no, nothings changed, but alot has happened since last year. My boy had his first birthday, which was incredibly exciting for me experiencing the joys of preparing a children’s party for the first time ever! Then there was my secret, which I held onto for so long. And then the whole world stopped. In march, 2014 I experienced the worst time of my life ever. We lost our unborn baby. 

 

I have spent the past few months since it happened seeking advice and comfort on how to cope, or deal or move on from such  horrible thing. But I have now come to the conclusion that I won’t move on, and I won’t ever cope. But I am now learning to remenber without so much sadness. 

What makes it harder is that I don’t have anyone really I can talk to about it. My partner, my rock, for the first time ever had built up walls so high surrounding the subject that whenever I bring it up I get shot down quickly. I respect this and understand that this is his way of coping with everything, who’s holding my safety net? This is something that I will probably never find. But I will carry on. For Woodys sake. 

 

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Woodys first night in his own room

Last night we decided to let Woody sleep in his own room. We have had him sleep in a cot in our room for so long as it was easier, as his room is the other side of the house as seen as though hes been so reliant on his dummy so far that getting up and putting it back in his mouth the other side of our room was so much easier than walking through the house. 

At approximately 7.30 pm Woody went to bed, (in his own room) fine, fast asleep in seconds. 
Going to bed for us was so  strange. No sneaking in, no whispering, could even put the lamp on and read for half hour. Amazing. 
A part of me ached and missed him, even though he was only meters away from us, but I wished I could hear him snoring. The baby monitor was silent, until 1am. Woody woke up, and wasnt at all happy.
Fortunately his dad was up and layed him back down back to sleep, but this happened 4 times before his dad came back in, Woody under one arm, his quilt and blanket under the other. Woody then ended up back in our room, and slept through the night. 
I secretly smiled 🙂 

We will persevere, his daytime naps are going to be in his own room, and we will try him in his room every night until he comes to terms with being on his own. Maybe he’s missing hearing his dads heavy breathing and snoring?? Who knows, but if I had it my way hed be sleeping with me forever:) Its the only thing I really have left to confirm he needs me, and is still a baby, hes too little for a big boy cot 😦