Today I had a day out with my father and brother, (and Woody) Christmas shopping for a present for my mum, which my dad leaves until last minute EVERY year. Whilst window shopping and helping dad chose the ‘perfect’ gift as he has NO IDEA, absolutely nothing caught my eye. Now I know I wasn’t shopping for ME, but come on I am female, and we ALWAYS need or want something..right?
But then it dawned on me, well, actually it was my father that pointed it out, that since having Woody, nothing is about me anymore.
Although it seems very selfish to complain about this, surely I deserve something or sometime to be me, and not Woody’s mum? No. The answers no. And I know this because at the end of our shopping trip, dad handed me an envelope containing £50, and said ‘spend it on something for YOU’. Now, obviously I tried to give it back, as in no way do I think I ‘deserve’ this, or feel I need to ‘treat’ myself for doing so well in the past 10 months of being a mum, but he insisted and gave me strict instructions not to spend it on anyone else but me, not to use it for petrol or bills, food or car parks etc, but to spend it solely on treating myself.
So, Im sat here, with £50 just for me.
When I think of what I could spend this on…shoes??? maybe a new bag??? a new dress??? all I can think of straight after is Woods. New shoes for Woods, fancy jeans for Woods, toys for Woods…
So this has just made me smile, and put my mind at ease that Im not all that bad of a person, and I am in no way selfish. I do put Woody first. He does come top of my priority’s despite me doubting myself daily.
I am determined to treat myself. Not with mumsy clothes, or practical shoes, or even a new change bag- something for me, that I like and dont necessarily need but has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.
So this £50 will sit in my purse until this one treat shows itself. And until then, I will carry on putting myself second to my baby, and making sure he looks damn cooler than any other 10 month old around, before I make sure Im wearing matching shoes 🙂